Ada, OH – Early Saturday morning, a series of increasingly severe acts of vandalism further escalated as the roof of Founders Hall was found to be missing. Residence Life began receiving complaints around 4 AM from third-floor residents when they started getting wet from the ongoing thunderstorm.

With no roof, Founders residents have begun expressing frustration. Aside from several complaints filed with the university and posts on social media, some students have begun to maniacally scream into the sky.

Not going to let this setback hinder their ONU experience, some residents have taken it upon themselves to cover their rooms with tarps. Others have taken their belongings into Park and Maglott, where they have begun rooming with friends. However, this fix may be temporary; many are beginning to speculate the South wall of Maglott will be taken next. 

A work order has been put in, and students can expect a Residence Life employee to address the issue on October 21st at 4:57 PM. In the meantime, Public Safety has left an umbrella in every roofless room. 

There is, however, an upside to the thievery: the constant rain will help to put out the fire that has been raging in Founders Hall for some time1.

If you find the roof of Founders Hall or have any relevant information, do with it what you will. The author does not want to look like he is being paid off by ONU: Sound Investment. Lifetime of Value.

1Logical conclusion drawn from incessant fire alarms

By Gabriel Mott

News Editor, Award-Winning Satirical Columnist, Writer

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