Ada, OH – The possibility of the Hill Memorial Building’s demolition has caused an unprecedented uproar throughout campus, with voices on both sides passionately weighing in. Recently, however, more elements of the university’s master plan have been uncovered, revealing far more extensive plans for the school’s buildings.

Shortly following Hill Memorial’s demolition, all other buildings will be taken down and replaced.1 The project is included in the “ONU Rebirth” initiative, a subset of the recently unveiled Forward Together campaign. In addition, the university will purchase an additional 10 wrecking balls to accomplish the massive undertaking, almost doubling the current amount.

Kinghorn Sports Center will remain a barren field for another two years after its demolition due to the staggering costs of rebuilding.2 It is believed that Kinghorn is the ideal building to be replaced by a field because many sports already take place outside. An alternative was considered but declined, where the dorms would have their rebuilding delayed, and a mandatory four year off-campus housing policy would be instituted. 

The James Lehr Kennedy Engineering Building will be replaced with an exact replica, as the contractors hired by the university could not find substantive improvements that would be needed.3 A few progressive voices on the Board of Trustees have suggested that to save on costs, the 3D printers should be saved and put into the new building. This way, no unnecessary spending would occur.

When asked for comment, one board member said, “I believe that this initiative will finally modernize Ohio Northern to be competitive against every other small liberal arts college which has just demolished all of its buildings.”4

1Source: YikYak

2Source: Also YikYak

3Source: Some guy I met the other day

4Personal Speculation

By Gabriel Mott

Culture Editor, Award-Winning Satirical Columnist, Writer

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